Friday, September 17, 2010

Finding a rythym

Wow. Time seems to keep flying by, as always. I can hardly believe summer is taking its final bow, and autumn is waiting in the wings. The color has started to creep into the neighborhood trees, and the temperature has cooled.

I love this time of year. Usually I eagerly await the arrival of fall, but no so much this year. I think the 2 ginormous blizzards last winter are still a little too fresh in my memory.

My little family is trying to find our new rhythm as schedules change and there is still so much uncertainty in our little world.

Braden continues to trek to Maryland to a temp. job. Bubba has started preschool again. Baby C is super mobile (not walking yet- thank heavens, but super fast with the army crawl. ) Little girl is as curious as anything, and wants to try everything! I'm still working my way out of post partum fog and trying to keep a positive attitude about all the unknowns.

The biggest issue my little family is facing right now is Braden's job. Yes, he has a temp job that we are ever-so-thankful for, however he took a huge pay cut and we have no insurance. I had to take Baby C to the Doctor a few weeks ago. Lets just say I really had NO CLUE how expensive a simple office could be! Forget the medications we had to get! YIKES!

Our savings has been floating us through the past 3 months, but we can't keep this up forever. The big decision we are facing now is whether or not to sell out home. Just typing that gives me chills. We just bought our home- like just over a year ago. I love our home. I love our neighborhood. I love that I can walk to church on Sundays. I love the area we live in.

I have spent many nights over the past few months laying in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about what is going to happen to us. I hate all the uncertainty.

About a week ago as I was praying I had the thought that no matter what, no matter where we end up, whether it be in this house or another tiny cramped apartment, I have everything I really care about. I have my beautiful little family, and as long as we are together it doesn't really matter where we are. So, even though there is still a big fear factor for me I am able to be thankful for the most simple and important blessings I have.

In the days and weeks to come my goal is to be productive and proactive. I am going to not let uncertainty continue to stress me out to the point that the kids can pick up on it. I am going to play play-doh, and build lego towers, and finger paint, and go to the park, and build forts out of couch cushions, and have afternoon dance parties with all the windows open. I am going to stick to a budget and a menu. I am going to continue serving in my responsibilities at church to the best of my abilities. I am going to continue to exercise and stay healthy. I am going to keep painting our home, and continue setting it up the way we want it. I am going to continue praying like crazy, and fasting, and believing that an answer will come. I am going to do all that I can do, and then I am going to leave the rest up to God. I know he knows our needs and that he answers prayers. So until we learn what the next step is for our family we will find our rhythm and go with it.

Pray for us, will you?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Iron Man and I are not friends

So, this is the story about how Ironman and I had a falling out.

Yes, I am referring to the comic book character.

I go to Target almost every day (Don't judge me. Its just about a mile away, air conditioned, and my kids and I can burn off some energy, and lighten our bank account all at the same time :) ). Every time we go we make a detour to look at the Thomas the Tank Engine toys. Both my older kids have an affinity for Thomas. I don't mind letting my kids browse the toy isle. They know the meaning of the word "no", and they don't have melt downs when I say its time to move on.

Anyway, on the same isle as Thomas they have the realistic looking animal figures made by Schleich. Bubba has been saving money to buy a whale. The marine biologist part of me couldn't be more proud! That is until a week or so ago. On the same isle are all the Ironman movie figures, play sets, attire, etc. Bubba asked me "Mama, what's that?" I told him it was Ironman. He pushed a few buttons on one of the larger toys, and that was that. Or so I thought.

On our last trip to the library Bubba spotted an Ironman book with the level 1 easy readers. He insisted on checking it out. After reading it to him about 1000 times I hid it.

Fast forward to our next trip to the toy isle at Target- Bubba skips right past Thomas and the whale he has been saving for and heads right towards Ironman. "I want to buy this" he says as he holds up some red and gold mass marketed action figure with sound and lights. "Don't you want to buy your whale first?" I asked. " I don't want a whale. I want IRONMAN!" (you should have heard the way he said Ironman. Excitement and reverence all in one word). At that moment Ironman and I became enemies.

Braden thought the whole scene was funny. That is until he saw that it actually brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I cried. Yes, the marine biologist part of me was a little taken off guard. But it was right then and there that I realized that Bubba is not a baby, and is all too quickly growing out of little boyhood.

Ironman, you can't have my little boy. I'm not giving him up without a fight.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

More Bullet Points :)

* Braden is still looking for a job. He has had several interviews, but we are just playing the waiting game. In the meantime he has been commuting about 3 1/2 hours a day to a temp. job. It is hard on him. Its hard on me. Its really hard on the little ones.

* My little 3 ring circus has been sick. Fevers, coughs, congested lungs, and puke. I think I'm getting it :P

* I am amazed that my littlest is 6 months already! Where did that time go? He is a content happy little man that melts my heart with each and every smile and giggle.

* I'm taking another break from running since my knees and feet aren't liking it very much at all. I've been walking inside instead. You read that right. I've been walking inside- as in my family room. I have a date with Leslie Sansone every morning after Baby C has his 6 am bottle. It has been too hot and humid, even at 6 am, to do much of anything outside. I think I'm going to add some Yoga to the mix, and maybe a deep water running class if I can find one locally.

* I have been seriously considering cutting all my hair cut off. Like all of it! My hair keeps falling out by the handfuls as it did after I had my other two babies. This time it seems worse though. I have balding spots. Yikes!

* I've been getting phone calls from Braden just because, or silly texts from my friend Geoff, or "I love you Mommy", and a thousand other little things to make me smile just when I seem to need them the most. I am thankful for these tender mercies.

* The other night Braden and I were up late watching Mythbusters. Neither of us wanted to go to bed. I don't remember what myths they were testing, but we were both laughing. Laughing so hard I might have actually snort laughed a few times. It was awesome :)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

An open letter to my Mr. Thomas

Dear Mr. Thomas,

You know that I love you. You know that I appreciate all that you do for me, for our family, and for our home. I think you are amazing, but you are only human. You need to eat and sleep like the rest of us. Seeing that you are only human, I called the exterminator today to take care of the eight-legged monsters living in our basement. The final straw came this morning when one of the little buggars dropped down in front of my face to say "hello" as I was loading the washer.

I know you have promised to evict all our little creepy crawly friends yourself, but there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that you need and want to do.

When the exterminator comes early next week I will let you stay home to write her the check (yes, the exterminator is a girl!). Will that help you feel like you kept your promise?

Since we haven't really budgeted for an exterminator I promise to cut back on my smoothie habit for the rest of the summer even though it is 10 billion degrees outside.

Love Always ,
Your Mrs. Thomas

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bullet Point Update

* I'm melting in 100+ temperatures.
* I'm trying to get back into a regular exercise routine so I can start training for the Big Sur Marathon in May 2011.
* Our 4th of July was fabulously low-key, and we loved it that way.
* Thinking about skipping preschool this next year for Bubba and putting him in a neighborhood Joy School. (Does anyone have any experience with this?)
* Trying to clean up and clear out. You think with 400o square feet we would have plenty of room for everything, and we do. I just don't want to have so much "stuff".
* Trying to find the motivation to unpack all the boxes we have left over from out move last year. I am of the opinion that if we haven't used it in a year then we really don't need it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I Never Dreamed...

I never dreamed that:

*I would live on the East Coast.

* That it would take me 12 years to finally feel at home on the East Coast ( I never wanted to live in Utah forever, but oh how I miss my family and those mountains!)

*That I would have 3 babies 3 years and under.

*That I would be married for almost 8 years before having children.

*That I would live with my inlaws at two different times totaling almost 3 years (something I would never recommend to anyone).

*That we wouldn't buy our first home until we had been married 11 years.

*That I would be pregnant 10 times and only have 3 children.

*That I would have my heart broken and my beliefs shaken by a series of miscarriages.

*That I would actually learn to make peace with, and even find joy in the seemingly simple everyday tasks of being a stay at home mom.

* That I would have the opportunity to take several long road trips with my Mom (something I will remember,and be thankful for forever).

* That one of my best friends would be a 15 year old rescue dog.

* That my life would be rocked by postpartum depression.

* That I would be a college freshman twice.

* That being a mom would teach me how to see things in an entirely new way.

I know this list could go on forever. My point to all of this is is that no matter how well you plan life it often takes you somewhere you never imagined. And that is a good thing.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm still alive, but just barely.

I know my blogging regularity stinks. My blog might as well be nonexistent, but here I am anyway. I have so much on my mind, and well, its going to end up spilling over here.

So, here I am. A momma to 3 babies 3 years and younger. I have the most beautiful little ones in the world. I am so lucky be to their momma. Lately I feel like they are getting the short end of the stick.

Confession time: I am a DISASTER!

We found out that Braden is getting laid off. As in by the end of the month we will be jobless! YIKES!

On top of that I am in the thick of post partum depression. Most days are a blur, and it takes every ounce of energy I can muster to just get out of bed and get through breakfast. Then, by nothing short of a miracle I seem to be able to make it through the morning, past lunch time, and make it to nap time. After that things are kind of a blur and next thing I know it 7 pm an I need to feed my kiddos dinner, get them into the tub and into bed. I don't even feel human most days. I just feel like I'm on autopilot watching this sad and tired woman drag herself around trying her best to keep it together. That's all I want to say about that for right now. I could write a thousand posts on this related to this, but I won't . At least not now :)

Sounds like fun doesn't it. Well, if you can believe it, it get better than that.

My dad has cancer. There, I said it. My family has suspected as much for several years, but my dad being who he is didn't want to get it checked and taken care of (that sounds really horrible, but there you have it). A few weeks ago he ended up in the ER, and then admitted to the hospital for almost a week. So now I'm trying to figure out how to process all of this too. My dad is one of my biggest heroes. I am 33 and I still need my dad.

I live 2000 miles away from the rest of my family. I feel isolated and so very alone.

Braden has been a huge support, but he is stressed and it is starting to take its toll on him. He doesn't sleep well. He forgets to eat. He just looks tired and gray (don't get me wrong I still think he is as handsome as ever, and maybe even more than ever).

I have been finding myself saying a million silent prayers throughout the day. Prayers for strength, prayers for health, prayers that a job will be found, prayers of thanks for the 3 little ones that love me unconditionally, prayers that I can have the faith to get through this, prayers that I can feel something other than sad, prayers for comfort for my family, etc.

I have been through tough times before. I came out on the other end of a trial of heinous proportions in 2004 having learned so much. I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I learned that I am loved by so many people. I learned how to forgive. I learned that my Heavenly Father knows me, and trusts me.

I am thankful to know that ALL things can be for my benefit and that families can be together for eternity.

So, now what.......

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I dream about this stuff.......

12 years ago I worked at Deer Valley Ski Resort in Park City Utah (Just for the record that is where I met my cute husband Braden. I was a lift operator and he was a ski instructor. If you ever want to hear the full story just ask me sometime).Anyway, back to the point of this.......Deer Valley is known not only for amazing groomed ski runs, amazing customer service, and amazing cute ski instructors, but also for TURKEY CHILI!

Since moving to the East Coast almost 11 years ago, every winter, and several times throughout the year, I crave Turkey Chili. Even as I type this my mouth is watering.....
Every time I visit family in Utah I make my pilgrimage to Deer Valley for a bowl of this addicting yumminess.

Today, here I sit 2000 miles away from Utah, and my beloved chili. So, what is a girl to do......

Use Google of course!

I found this:

You better believe I'm going to make this in the next day or two.

I'll let you know how it turns out......

P.S. If you happen to live in Utah, do me a favor and go have a bowl of chili for me.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

2010- An adventure waiting to happen

I can hardly believe that another year has passed. Time really does fly wether you are having fun or not.

I look at the changes in my life over the past year and it makes my head spin. I am amazed at how blessed I am!

Nearly a year ago exactly our little family was muddling our way through a battery of tests including an EEG and an MRI trying to figure out why my oldest wasn't speaking.

I thank God that the specialist we saw was wrong when she said that it was most likely my son would never speak.

Bubba has amazed us as his speech came fast and furious! The speech therapists that have worked with us are just as amazed as we are. Even still he rambles on about one thing or another (usually it is something about Thomas the Tank Engine) and it just sounds like music to my ears.

My heart has been filled to overflowing with thanks countless times as he has said prayers at bedtime and as he has learned to sing simple Primary songs (his favorites are I Love to see the Temple, and I Am A Child Of God).

I know it sounds a little selfish, but when we were told that he might never speak I grieved because I so wanted to hear my little guy say "I love you momma," something he does now several times throughout the day.

My little princess has grown up so much over the past year too. I can't believe that she will be 2 years old in May!

There is not a day that goes by that she doesn't make me laugh.

She talks as well as her big brother, loves to sing and dance, and loves to wear hats and shoes. She also loves be where her brother is, and do whatever he is doing.

Her bright eyes and beautiful smile have pulled me out of a bad mood so many times.

Our newest addition to the family has been such a blessing the short 2 weeks he has been here.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect baby! Our little lamb has slept through the night (7 + hours since the day he was born, with the exception of 2 days). His sweet spirit has melted away most of my fears of being a mom to 3 little ones.

The night he was born, after I was settled into my hospital room, and the nurses had finished checking on us, I just held him and looked into his tiny, perfect face, and I was filled with such a sense of love, not just for my son, but also for my Heavenly Father who had entrusted me with the care for 3 of his children.

Over the past 12 months we moved and purchased our first home. YAY!

We LOVE our neighborhood! We love having a back yard. We love having friendly neighbors. We love that we are closer to Braden's work (his commute went from an average of 60 minutes to an average of 25 minutes!)

Over the past 12 months Braden has been able to retain his job when so many have either been laid off or have taken pay cuts.

Yep- our little family has surely been blessed. I am so thankful for the good, the challenges, the trials, and the adventures that have brought my family to where we are today.

I look forward to the adventures the new year holds for my family, and I pray that we may continue to face the inevitable trials and challenges with faith and strength.